Life is Happening all around me

an update on where I am at in life, stuck, stuck in a rut of self-doubt, and depression, and boredom.
I cant seem to make people impressed enough to hire me on the spot, I feel like a complete failure, and I am feeling like a stone around my family's neck, though I am not insane, so that puts me a little higher than H on the totem pole.
I dont actually know how to get what I want, I do dare to dream big (stunt driver anyone)
I want to find that place that I belong in, I want to do something that matters, I want to be more than ordinary.
I just have no f-ing clue how.

On to the other things in my life, I feel like I am living sideways, the people around me are moving upwards and outwards, and I am still stuck in the same habits and routines that have ensured I remain a virgin til I die of old age, alone in my room with my journals, books, laptop and a million coffee mugs (seriously, if you ever cant find a mug in our house, chances are there are like 5 in my room)
I have friends getting married, and friends having their first kid, people I have known since I was in nursery, are building their lives, I used to think I was ok with not going to college, and I think that might have been my first mistake, I have no degree, and not really spectacular talents, I mean, my mother once told me that all I needed was the ability to read, and I could do anything.... well, perhaps someone could point me in the direction of the nearest  company hiring a person who can read for 13.00$ and hour, 40 hours a week, because I would kill for that position (yes, ok, not literally, but reading all day, and getting paid for it, would be my dream job) So I guess I am kinda regretting the decision not to attend a school of higher learning, though I am pretty sure I would have been bored silly!
there are more options now, with online schooling and vo-tech schools, and internships and the like :)

I want to hang on to the hope that I will not end up alone, with no one but my senile old mother, and crazy H who re-arranges the furniture every day... and is scared that some one is spying on her so she sleeps in her closet.
I am not sure how I feel about having a family, mine kinda sucked, it got better, but I am not sure I can handle being responsible for another human being's welfare,  I mean, I cant even support myself right now... though I do get this rush, or a high if you will, holding a newborn, or infant, I love them. But I am not in love with them :)
The sweet innocence of a baby, and the paralyzing fear that you might do something stupid to mess them up.

 I have found that the greatest thing parent give their kids is LOVE. if you are loved, it doesnt matter if you are a hour old, or 100, being loved is the best thing, the only thing, that makes life worth it.
so I guess then, I am already doing something I am good at, I am loving. I LOVE. I dont think that it is a marketable skill, but it is a talent, a passion, a purpose, something that help get you our of bed in the morning, and wraps you tight when you go to bed at night, that feeling that no matter what, someone, somewhere, loves you.

And that is the end of this ramble, I didnt mean to be so random, I just had to get all of that out.
A lot has happened in the past few months, and while I am freaking out at the fact I am still unemployed, I also have this weird sense of calm - this song from my younger days serves as a reminder that no matter what, there is someone bigger than the 'monsters' that I face   , http://youtu.be/BCg994AA-ug